Recently my bear turned 40. Just like me.

She was given to me on the day I was born by my God Mother. I don’t know my God Mothers name (my Mum told me once but I forget) and I never met her. Shortly after I was born she married an African man and went to Africa. Never to be heard of again. I always found this story pretty magical and it conquered up images of my God Mother standing proud on the African plains, I pictured her as some kind of rebel woman. I don’t know the truth and I haven’t asked my Mum for anymore details as I kinda like my childhood version of the story 

My bear was never given a name, I don’t know why. I’m all about naming things these days, like recently my bike George. But as a kid I don’t think I named any of my dolls or toys, I always thought of her as a boy bear. Until very recently when I got a bit merry on my 40th and took her to the park for my birthday picnic. Probably the first time bear had been exposed to sunshine, I just looked at her and thought “She’s a female!” Duhhhhh, It seemed so obvious I don’t know why it took me 40 years to figure it out.

Whenever I moved house bear would come with me. Sometimes she will chill in my bed with me every night. Getting cuddles or being buried by pillows. She’s also pretty good as a leg prop and I practiced movie star kissing on the back of her head when I was about ten. I don’t think we ever had sex unless it happened when I was too drunk to remember. She was more like a sister than a lover and she was a bit crap at kissing so I moved on to real life boys pretty quickly. When I got older and had one night stands she would get chucked on the floor with great ceremony and jubilation. I would literally chuck her across the room in delight “Fuck off! I don’t need you tonight!
When I lived with someone for a few years I never saw her. A few times in my life I thought I’d lost her but she was just at the bottom a bag/box/in the back of a cupboard/under the bed. I think there were a few times that I didn’t see her for years just forgot about her. 

She has a couple of holes now that I keep thinking “I must patch them up” They just keep getting worse. I’ll do it one day

She now spends most nights on my bead under a pile of pillows. I’m single and have been for that last 5 years, and I’m ready for sharing my bed with a nice man. So her days on my bed are numbered, but she’s used to that.

I would like to add; I don’t actually think my bear is a person


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